Pain surrounds me. I am embraced by it like a lover. The sharp stab wakes me in the night. I look for blood, but there is no relief. Some new agony has come to visit. Later blood comes. Voices now surround me. A cacophony of advice and orders. Pee, don’t pee, drink this, sit here, wear this. As I wait I pace and the pain relaxes its grip. Then forced to lie still I am stabbed once more. More talk whispers, somewhere someone screams. I must lie down; I need more liquid. A nurse comes with a needle. Blessed oblivion.
This past week I had my first kidney stone. At the hospital they gave me morphine and I was sent home with a prescription for more. I found the experience terrifying because morphine works. The pain goes away. Yet at what cost? Certainly it is not a drug one can live on. I fear such thoughts sent me into a few days of depression, but it seems pointless to dwell forever on the impossible. Life is there to be lived.